Yesterday I had one of those emotional days as a mom, do you know the kind? Where you tear up at the oddest moments. Where you are thankful for sunglasses at the park. Where just a song on the radio will open the water hose. Or maybe it’s just me and my sensitive Stacey-ness, but just go with me here.
It started at the park with Eli. We were there while Evie was at her last tutoring session of the summer (I’ll get to that in a bit). I was sitting on a bench with Leo at my feet and watching Eli play and climb and swing. As I watched him I realized that he is a little boy now (I’m a little slow). I swear I see changes in his face every day. He’s going to be in kindergarten in a few weeks. Kindergarten. How did that happen? My
baby little boy is going off into the big world and will be leaving me every day for 2.5 hours. Okay, so it’s not that different from pre-school, but still. After having 5 years of him by my side day after day…. Things will never be the same. Ever. Ever. Again. Cue tears under sunglasses at the park.
And then we went to go pick up Evie at her last tutoring session. Yes, she went to tutoring this summer. She is a smart, amazingly bright and wonderful kid, that struggles with math. For a long time I hated saying that out loud because, let’s face it, I felt like it was a direct correlation with my parenting skills. I felt like I wasn’t doing enough with her. I saw all my friends with kids having no issues in school and felt like a failure as a mom. But I (for the most part) have gotten over that and have relied on the help of others to help Evie with her math. Tutoring this summer was one of those things. And I’m saying this out loud here because maybe there are other parents who have kids that struggle with stuff. Let’s support each other because it’s not easy.
On the way home we heard a song on the Christian radio station I always have on in the car with the kids. It was Mandisa singing “Overcomer”. You can listen to it here. It’s been a favorite of the kids lately…upbeat and fun to sing along with, but Evie never really asked about the words until then. She asked what it meant to be an “overcomer” and I told her. I explained that with God’s help there really is nothing we can’t overcome. It means if you don’t quit you can tackle anything. You can overcome the hard stuff. And then she said, “Mom! I’m an overcomer! With my math! I’m overcoming my math.”. Waterworks. In the car. For the remainder of the song.
I imagine I’ll have plenty of more days like this as a mom. First grade…I can’t even go there. Multiplication and division. Lord help me. But every time I cry I’m thankful for the chance to feel and I love that emotion of loving my kids so deeply that I just can’t hold the tears in.
Don’t feel bad for Leo. He had just had a run with D. He was tired and inside cooling off and getting hydrated. Don’t worry. He’s usually with us on the porch :)